


Holy

by eatsung



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Bad Flirting, Boys In Love, M/M, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Tags May Change, but not really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26460391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatsung/pseuds/eatsung
Summary: at 17, chenle grows a pair of horns, falls in love with the wrong boy and realizes that, maybe, he's simply not as good as everyone thinks he is.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Kudos: 4





	Holy

**Author's Note:**

> heads up for past internalized homophobia, some (mild!!!!!!!!!!!!) blood/gore and cute gays hyunjin and chenle. :)
> 
> ALSO. the first chapter of this fic is OLD. i wrote and published it some time ago on my old and really embarassing acc but never continued writing it!! i got inspired to continue it from @jsnoopy, pls go check out The Way immediatly. my idea for this was inspired by xmen, bnha (even if i never rly watched it) and the movie Horns. go watch it maybe.
> 
> i edited this but if u find mistakes !! tell me !!

jeongin shoots him a supportive thumbs up and chenle lets out a shaky breath, full with anxiety even after having performed countless times already. the feeling of not having practiced enough rushes through him and for a moment he’s sure he’s going to mess up, that he’s going to forget how to use his fingers properly, that his throat will tighten up and no sound will come out — he feels cold fingers slide in between his own, familiar and soothing, reminding him to regulate his breathing. 

“it’s okay, baby,” hums hyunjin against the side of his head, his warm, sweet breath hitting chenle’s skin. it’s reassuring. comforting. the younger tries a smile, slightly leaning into his boyfriend, absorbing the calming aura that comes with the taller one. “i know you’ll rock this, don’t be nervous.”

chenle chuckles a little, heat spreading all through his chest. words can’t say how thankful he is for hyunjin’s words, his entire existence, even. “i’m trying,” he mumbles, closing his eyes at the gentle lips sliding along his temple. “i’m just so unsure. what if i’m not able to hit that last b five? what if i-"

  
hyunjin cuts him off with a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth, unwilling to cause a stir from anyone that might see their interaction. “shh, babe, it’s fine, stop worrying,” he chuckles and chenle blushes, still not able to contain his excitement whenever the older initiates actions like that in public. “i believe in you,” hyunjin adds, raising one of his hands to push up chenle’s chin a little, “and so does everyone out there. your mom, the guys. you’ll make us proud, i’d never doubt that.”

  
chenle steps on his toes to catch hyunjin’s lips in another quick peck. “thank you.” he bites down on his own lower lip. “love you.”

  
at that, hyunjin’s eyes widen almost comically and chenle giggles, despite wondering if it’s too early — if the other maybe isn’t ready to commit to something as big as- as love.

  
“fuck. i- lele. i love you. so much,” answers hyunjin, almost breathless. smiles so beautifully. chenle’s inside turn into liquid. he wants to open his mouth to say something else, or maybe to kiss him again, but gets cut off my the presenter calling his name, announcing he’ll be the next to perform. he closes his eyes for the shortest moment and takes a step back, grinning excitedly at his boyfriend, who nods into the direction of the stage, encouragingly. he can do this.

  
the stage lights are blinding, white, making it unable for him to see even one face from where he’s standing. still, he smiles — brightly, proud. bows. the audience claps, causing adrenaline to rush through his entire body. 

  
as he sits down on the piano, collected and with calm fingers, he feels a tightness in his head, but he quickly straightens his back and ignores the almost burning sting. there’s no sheet papers in front of him. he’s never liked playing after what’s written down, preferring feeling the music over having to keep his eyes glued to a piece of paper.

  
the pain in his head doubles, but he keeps a small smile on his lips. lets the tips of his fingers touch the milky white keys of the piano, immediately numbing the throbbing on both sides of his forehead.   
everything is silent except for the soft melody starting to thread itself through the crown, enwrapping them totally — chenle wets his lips, concentrated on on keeping his heartbeat at a normal pace. opens his mouth.

  
the first note he sings is a little shaky, filled with nervousness as well as tentativeness, but he feels it getting replaced by the thrill of singing, the joy of being on stage with those lurid lights glaring down at him, their heat dancing under his skin.

  
with every note he plays, the tension in his shoulders and back seems to go away, rising up into his head — it hurts, awfully so, but he doesn’t want to stop. can’t stop. in all the 7 years he’s been on stage, never had there been a moment where he’d given up. there’d been mistakes and instances where he had to restart, but never in all those years had he stopped entirely. 

  
he knows now is not the moment for that to happen, so he squeezes his eyes shut and sings, controlling his breath to prevent his voice from straining or even cracking. he’s lost the control over his heart what feels like hours ago, but it’s okay. during an instrumental part, he dares to open his eyes — his vision is blurry and his eyes hurt like crazy, but chenle smiles, so happy. he knows he’ll be able to sing the b five, draws it out deliciously and hammers his fingers down on the keys, powerful and aggressively and-

  
the applause is breathtaking and chenle stands up, with shaking legs and soft knees. he tries to make out hyunjin from behind the stage, but he’s unable to focus on anything — his smile fades a little. something is wrong. his fingers are shaking and his heart goes at a rate that can’t be healthy. 

  
the last thing he remembers before falling is a scream that sounds too much like his mother.

  
  
when he wakes up, his heart is still hammering in his chest, but the adrenaline has mostly turned into horrible exhaustion, his limbs and head aching terribly; it’s better, though, not as tense as before.

  
“oh god, lele-” there’s a hot pair of lips pressing down right next to his nose and chenle lets out a groan, trying to open his eyes. it’s hyunjin, right over him. the older has chenle’s head propped on his lap, so near that their faces almost touch. “i was so scared, are you okay? mrs. zhong, he’s up!”

  
the concern in hyunjin’s voice makes chenle melt and he feels his cheeks heating up. he almost wants to roll his eyes at how flustered he gets.

  
his mother isn’t far, judging by how quickly she rushes into the room — it’s his aunt’s living room, he can tell that much —, pressing a bottle of water to his lips. “i was so worried, honey, didn’t i tell you to eat enough before walking out there? yanmei has kiwis in the kitchen, hyunjin, do you mind-”

  
“mom, it’s okay,” rasps chenle, actually rolling his eyes this time. “i’m fine, i just- can i drink something now?”

  
almost apologetic, his mother holds out the bottle, letting her son grab it with a shaky hand. he feels hyunjin’s thumb caressing his cheekbone, causing a pinkish hue to dust over his face and neck. _how embarrassing_ , he thinks and hastily gulps down some of the cool water. “thanks, um- what exactly happened? i don’t remember much.”

  
hyunjin beneath him shifts slightly, clearing his throat, but his mother is the one to speak. “right after you finished your song, you kind of collapsed.” her voice is soft, careful and chenle shudders. it’s not like he hadn’t been eating or drinking enough. he always took care of himself before going on stage. 

  
“it was really scary,” whispers his boyfriend and he looks up again, unable to hold back his smile. “really?” hyunjin scrunches up his nose, obviously remembering chenle’s mother is still with them. “not that scary. it looked nothing like the movies, not half as dramatic. you kinda just- fell.”

  
mrs. zhong huffs a little laugh, petting hyunjin’s head lovingly. “fine, boys, discuss how cool my son’s near-death-experience looked while i cut you up some fruit.”

  
“mom, please.” he closes his eyes in embarrassment and hyunjin presses another kiss on his face, this time right on his chin. 

  
they rearrange their position as chenle sits up. hyunjin gently hold him by the elbows, in case his muscles are still too weak, but it works and shortly after, they sit across from each other on aunt yanmei’s couch. 

  
“i only had this happen to me once and that was in bio when we had to dissect that pig heart,” sighs chenle, after putting down the bottle once again. hyunjin shudders dramatically. “ugh, i remember that- we didn’t talk back then, but i was so scared for you.” he bites down his lip, trying to conceal a fond grin. chenle giggles. “i had a crush on you already and my first thought after waking up was ‘yikers, hyunjin now knows i can’t handle the smell of pig hearts’.”

  
the older throws his head back laughing. chenle is in awe, as always, while watching his boyfriend — it’s not rare that he wonders how the hell he was able to score the most Beautiful and loveliest boy in their whole school. as hyunjin catches his glance, he looks down with hot cheeks. 

  
“you know, um… what i said earlier,” he starts, mouth going dry. he thinks about drinking some more water, but he know it’d only be to prolong what he’s wanted to say for such a long time. “that i, uh- that i love you and stuff.”

  
hyunjin snorts, leaning deeper into the couch. “that you love me and stuff, hm? nice way to put it.” his tone his teasing but chenle can see in his face that he’s just as nervous, just as new to this like chenle himself. 

  
“i meant it, hyung.” it’s not often he calls the older that, mainly because it boosts hyunjin’s ego like crazy — not this time, though. chenle isn’t sure if the blush spreading on his boyfriend’s face is caused by the use of honorifics or because of his confession; nevermind the reason, it makes the chinese feel warm all over. 

  
he interlocks their legs, wrapping his own around the taller ones’ and placing his hands on hyunjin’s knees. “i love love love you.” he grins happily and hyunjin’s flush only seems to deepen.  
“i, uh-” stutters the other, helplessly clearing his throat. “i guess me, too , lele. i think- no. i know. fuck, i’m bad at this.”

  
chenle presses a kiss onto his boyfriend’s knee, happily nuzzling his nose into the hard jean fabric. “bad at what, baby?” the pet name is mainly to tease the elder, but hyunjin still flounders, dropping his back to the couch’s armrest. “you were knocked out cold three seconds ago, how are you so flirty?!” his tone his amused, albeit he really looks a little shocked. chenle hums proudly, shrugging a little. “told ya. i feel fine, don’t know why i even lost conciousness in the first place. my headache is almost gone, too.”

  
it’s true. a few minutes ago, the dull pain on both sides of his head was a lot stronger, but now it’s almost barely noticeable. hyunjin sits back up straight, running his hands through the younger’s fading blonde hair, fingers threading over his scalp gently. 

  
“that’s good, lele. i was so scared i would lose you.” his genuineness feels suffocating to chenle. he hadn’t been aware of how serious it must have looked. he doesn’t want to belittle his boyfriend’s words, despite how weird it sounds, so he settles for a small smile, leaning into hyunjin’s touch. “you’ll never lose me, idiot,” he finally says, crawling up to softly press their lips together. 

  
  
xuxi’s high-pitched scream can be heard through the whole house and chenle’s stomach hurts from laughing at his cousin’s antics all night long. aunt yanmei had invited chenle and his mother over for dinner, to celebrate that her son visited from hong kong, where he’s been studying at for the past one and a half years. right now, the two women had gone out by themselves and chenle and xuxi were at home watching train to busan and stuffing themselves with unhealthy food.

  
chenle hadn’t even realized how much he’d missed the tall boy and how hilarious it used to be with him. he’d always admired how easygoing and positive xuxi was, always on the mission to make everyone around him curl themselves with laughter. 

  
“ugh, i missed this,” groans xuxi, teeth digging into the thick layer of cheese on his pizza. he lies down flat on his back as he chews, eyes glued to the ceiling of his old room. chenle chuckles, lips sticky from the candy canes he’s been sucking at for the past few minutes. 

  
“didn’t know you didn’t have pepperoni pizza in college,” he grins, despite knowing that that’s not what the older meant. xuxi rolls his eyes. “i have pizza at least four times a week, dummy. i’m talking about this. home. mom. auntie and you.” he grimaces. “ew, even you. can’t believe i said that.” the sigh that follows his filled with sadness and chenle puts down his candy cane to shuffle closer to his cousin, patting his cheeks softly. he’s sure there’s some tomato sauce on them, but he doesn’t bother wiping it away.

  
“i’ll visit you when i’m on spring break, okay? don’t be upset, we’re still here.”

  
thankful, xuxi smiles up at him. “mom told me about your loverboy. what’s that all about, huh?” he wiggles his eyebrows and chenle immediately regrets ever being nice to his cousin. “i knew she wouldn't keep her mouth shut,” he hisses, though there’s no real sharpness behind it. “well…”

  
the older tilts his head, expectantly. “well?”

  
“i don’t know… he’s amazing, the absolute best. what do you wanna know?”

  
xuxi seems to think about that for a moment. shrugs. “is he good to you? can i meet him? edward or jacob?” he grins childishly at chenle’s loud groan. “yes, no, jacob.” he fights back a smile. “which makes it a mystery on how on earth a greek god like him likes someone as un-jacob-y as me. but, it fits, i think. we fit.”

  
when he looks his cousin in the eyes again, they’re wide and his lips are sucked in. the blonde rolls his eyes. “i hate you, stop laughing at me.”

  
the laughter falls out of xuxi in that loud and really obnoxious way it always does, but chenle kind of missed it, so it’s okay. “god. since when we’re a sappy gay mess, oh God-”  
maybe chenle’s changed his mind. his cousin is annoying.

  
“in case you wondered why you can’t meet him, this is exactly the reason why,” pouts the younger, retreating to where he’d sat before, ignoring his candy cane and reaching for a piece of pizza instead. he leaves xuxi laughing to himself for a moment, taking out his phone, heart jumping at the missed text from hyunjin. 

  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (17:23)**  
thinkin bout you <33 [Image Attached]

  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:08)**  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
(i’m with gege, didn’t see ur text :(((()  
you’re so cute oooo  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:08)**  
leleeeee  
lucas is there? can i come over?  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:10)**  
ajdjdjdj no  
i mean yes it’s him but  
idk????? he doesn’t Know it’s you  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:11)**  
>:(  
Why didnt u tell him?? he knows me from school i’m pretty sure  
just say if you don’t wanna   
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:11)**  
that’s not|  
that’|  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:11)**  
that came out so harsh i’m not really mad just a little upset <3 <3 <3 <3  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:12)**  
i don’t deserve you ):  
i’ll tell him  
just  
idk its not like he's uncomfortable with me being gay or anything  
but he’s protective  
he’ll probably b really rude and act like he's gonna beat u up and pretend he doesn’t like you  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:14)**  
Okay i already know he thinks im a jerk lolol  
most ppl do but I can show him i’m not that bad !!!!  
wbk you dont deserve me :P

  
  
“stop giggling at your phone, unless it’s to tell your boyfriend how wonderful of a cousin i am and how much fun we’re having.”

  
chenle jumps at how close xuxi suddenly is, clutching his phone to his chest. “jesus, don’t scare me like that!”

  
the older raises his giant hands in surrender.

  
“okay, listen,” chenle starts, locking gaze with xuxi. “he wants to meet you, but i’ll only say yes under the condition of you being lovely and nice to him, understood? also, he mentioned that you might know him from school — hwang hyunjin, he’s a senior now-”

  
xuxi’s expression hardens, face twisting with disgust. “that fucking - are you kidding me?! do you even know- he- fuck.”

  
chenle sighs, shaking his head disappointedly. “see? just forget about it, gege.” he tries not to show how truly hurt he really is, but also doesn’t hide it completely. he appreciates his cousin’s concern, but it’s also a giant bother to deal with, especially when he’s already nervous about sharing this with him. 

  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:17)**  
his reaction wasn’t good TT i don’t want him to be mean to you please don’t hate me  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:17)**  
)))))))))),:  
i could never hate you but  
i kinda hate your cousin  
Sorry  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:19)**  
it’s Ok -,- i’m angry too

  
  
“c’mon lele, you don’t seriously think i can just accept that that- fuckin’ rat suddenly takes interest in you! when i went to school there, he was all over the girls from my year! and he- shit, lele. please tell me you haven’t… done anything with him-”

  
“ _gege!_ oh my _god!_ ” covering his ears, chenle jumps up. “are you out of your mind?! first of all, that’s none of your business, secondly, no! i just turned seventeen, i’m not even- i’m not ready for-” distressed, he rubs over his face. “i’m going to the bathroom.” he doesn’t wait for an answer before almost running out of the room.

  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:21)**  
AHSHID;AJSJSQN3JS  
i locked myself in the bathroom  
im   
im so fucking mad  
omg  
he’s so???? he said things hyung  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:21)**  
what things??? are you okay baby do you wanna meet up??  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:22)**  
just. that u had like girlfriends  
or??  
girls at least. older ones  
and   
idk  
he asked if we had sex  
oh my god this is a disaster  
i’m overreacting but he’s stressing me out sfm   
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:22)**  
its ok don’t beat urself up lele  
wo ai ni  
still don’t know how to write it in chinese but yea  
wo ai ni wo baobei !!!!!  
and dont think about what he said, he has no idea what he’s talking about   
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:25)**  
i love u more ::(  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ugh i hate him rn  
i know he’s watching out for me or whatever but he’s so dramatic  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:25)**  
I dont blame him   
it’s okay i get it kind of  
didnt know he knew about all that but no Im pretty sure he does bc i wasn't really with girls at least not that much  
i was kinda shit to his friend, so he might be angry bcuz of that  
do U want to hear it? ill call you if you want to  
  
**to: jinnie baobei (19:28)**  
Ok yes i wanna hear ur voice :<  
  
his phone rings only seconds after and he picks it up quickly, nervously scratching his nose. for a moment, there’s nothing but his own breathing and what sounds like hyunjin’s sniffing on the other side of the line. chenle opens his mouth, but is unable to get anything out.

  
“ _i’m- i’m so sorry that you have to hear this._ ”

  
hyunjin is crying. chenle’s chest tightens. 

  
“ _okay. um. last year, shortly after my birthday- crap, um._ ” he clears his throat. “ _and i kind of had a thing with one of his friends- i don’t know if you, like, know him. jungwoo. i wasn’t really into guys, at least i didn’t know and. well, we made out at a few parties, he goes to college with my friend, so i sometimes saw him when changbin let me come stuff._”

  
he hesitates, as if waiting for chenle to say something, but the younger’s throat is too dry, so he doesn’t. wants to hear the rest of the story first.

  
“ _jungwoo is a good guy, too good for his own good. i wasn’t nice to him, mainly because i was too scared to actually, like, get into a relationship with a guy. i wasn’t ready. i said- mean shit. homophobic. god-” his voice breaks. “it was so horrible. i called him a few months back and apologized and we both cried a lot, but he forgave me and said- said he understood that i didn’t mean anything i said. i can’t repeat what i said, lele, but it was so awful. i couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for so long. you’ve- you’ve helped me. i’m sorry. i understand when you don’t wanna talk to me anymore, but i love you._ ”

  
before chenle can say something, he hears someone knock on the bathroom door. _“chenle, i’m sorry,_ ” his cousin speaks from the outer side of the door and chenle’s heart picks up speed, unnaturally, almost, so fast that it hurts. he desperately tries to get out a sound, but the white noise in his ears is too loud, too paralyzing. “ _lele?_ ” hyunjin’s voice is far away, so far away. 

  
“jinnie,” chenle croaks out, gagging at the acidic taste in his mouth — is he dying? he can’t be, not now. his heart hurts and his head races, but his boyfriend’s words don’t make it to him anymore. his phone drops, the cracking sound on the floor only faint, when it should’ve been loud and piercing. 

  
weakly, he shuffles over to the sink, spitting out whatever poison is clinging to the inside of his mouth. nothing- it looks normal at least. his skin burns, most of the heat collecting in his neck, closing up his throat as it travels higher into his head, slicing through his brain like actual flashes. it’s unbearable, so painful that he feels himself getting sick, falling to his knees and opening up the lid of the toilet quickly, emptying the insides of is stomach aggressively. every gag burns like he’d swallowed a liter of acid beforehand, but it also feels like he has to get something out — but there’s nothing, besides food and grapefruit soda, burning what feels like holes into his throat.

  
while puking, he tries to listen if xuxi is still there, but there’s nothing besides the sound of water in his ears, making it impossible for him to hear anything besides what goes in inside of him, his own ragged breathing and his hammering heart.

  
then he feels it. first, there’s just something warm trickling down the left side of his face, so slow that it would’ve tickled if he hadn’t been in such major pain. like a bead of sweat on an especially hot day. he reaches for it, once his stomach has calmed itself a little bit. wipes his finger across his cheek, only one. looks down.

  
it’s blood — he has to throw up again. it’s not as much now, less painful but he feels sore already. after wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and flushing the toilet, he forces himself up, stumbling over to the sink despite his blurry vision. he bows down to run some cold water over his hands and to clear his mouth a little. the pain in his head has numbed down sightly, which he’s glad for. it’s still not good, but a lot better than only seconds before. 

  
he goes to carefully wipe of the blood on his face, but hesitates as he realizes that he doesn't know where it came from.

  
he straightens his back, blinking a few times before he can properly see again. in his reflection, he can see his disheveled hair and pale skin, red rimmed eyes and, finally, the one droplet of dark blood, smeared atop is cheekbone. slowly, he pushes back some of his hair. it’s like getting kicked in the stomach; or suddenly sobering up, maybe. only- that it can’t be. 

  
chenle takes a step back, his dizziness making his throat feel funny again. he lets out a harsh breath, doing his best on not toppling over. he gets closer again, face only centimeters away from the mirror. holds up his fringe again. 

  
“chenle?! oh my god, lele, are you okay?” xuxi’s voice is loud all of a sudden, raspy as if he’d been screaming the whole time. the door rattles. oh right. chenle coughs a bit, unsure what to do — is this a dream? is he hallucinating?

  
his gaze drops down to his phone next to the bathtub, where it probably had slithered to after falling. it doesn’t appear to be shattered. it’s vibrating. he looks into the mirror again. this time he can see it clearly: there’s the dark tip of what looks like stone sticking out of his skin- ripping through it, some already dried blood right next to it.

  
“i’m fine,” he speaks, rough and shaky, but it’s the only thing coming out right now. “got sick.”

  
the older lets out a loud breath and the newfound silence feels good. “will you let me in? i called mom and auntie, they’re still gone, but they’ll be here soon, okay? please open the door, so i can see how you look, okay?”

  
chenle blanks. xuxi’s called their mothers — makes sense. his eyes draw back to the thing on his head. after taking a deep breath, he takes some water into his hand and holds the side of his head into it. it’s cold and kind of uncomfortable. the tightness is manageable, though, so he just rinses of the blood before washing over his entire face. okay. this- this is okay. shit. 

  
you can’t see it when he shakes down his fringe. he stares at himself in the mirror. what the fuck. xuxi knocks again, more softly. “please, lele. i’m sorry, okay?”

  
when chenle opens the door, his cousin immediately rushes to hug him tight, almost too tight, but obviously taking care not to hurt him. he pushes the younger slightly off him, quick hands feeling at his neck, probably to check if he has a fever. on any other instance he would’ve laughed, would’ve commented on how xuxi just wanted to show off what he’d learned in medical school, but right now he’s just thankful for the older’s cooling hands against his burning skin. 

  
“you look awful, little one, what the hell happened?” chenle warms up at the nickname. shrugs. he flinches away slightly when xuxi cups his face to hold his eyes open, intently staring to see if there’s something wrong with his pupils. “stop,” he mumbles, “i’m fine. just too much junk food.”

  
he’s not sure why he doesn’t tell the truth. that he has no idea what the hell is wrong with him — that he has something sticking out of his damned head. it doesn’t make sense. it’s not real. he turns away, crouching down for his phone. he has to call hyunjin back. the vibrating has stopped again. he hopes the other isn’t still crying, chenle hates that he is partly the cause for hyunjin’s fear for voicing what he’s done. he doesn't want the older to think he’s angry at him — he’s very far from that, honestly.

  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:32)**  
please im so sorry chnle dont igore me   
i ove you so so much plwase  
Im so so so sorry  
say somethnig  
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:35)**  
please dont breakup with me Ur everything i have   
olease  
ill do everytging  
i’M so horrible fuck   
  
**from: jinnie baobei (19:38)**  
i tried calling you are you okay  
just let me know if Ur okay and ignoring me bc i feel like maybe something happened  
chenle  
I’m so scared plseas  
I love you

  
  
the chinese lets out a shaky breath, eyes dwelling up with tears. he quickly hammers down a response and continues to push past his cousin, out of that bathroom. “i’m meeting hyunjin,” he says because he hears xuxi following him. 

  
“you’re kidding me right? i heard you throw up a month worth of food inside of there, what the hell is going on?!” the older’s face is distorted in a mixture of anger and confusion and chenle almost feels bad, but he has priorities. “it’s- i’m fine, i promise. it won’t be long. i’ll call mom on the way.” he runs his hands over his eyes, hesitantly. “he told me. about jungwoo-hyung. i’m sorry but it’s not your place to be offended. i’ll talk to you later.”

  
with that, he stumbles out, wrapping himself tightly with his jacket.

  
once he reaches the playground he and hyunjin had agreed to meet, the older immediately jumps up from the swing he’s been waiting on. even from here, chenle can see how scared and anxious he looks, his black hair messy from what he presumes were hyunjin’s fingers carding through it, and bloodshot eyes from crying. 

  
before the dark-haired can open his mouth, chenle pulls him down by his collar, kissing him on the mouth, eyes shut tightly together. hyunjin seems to melt right into him, hands running along his back, shoulder and then neck, to pull him in even tighter. 

  
as they separate, chenle can feel tears dancing within his own lashes — tears that he’d been holding in the entire way here.

  
“i-” starts hyunjin, but when he sees the first salty droplet escaping the blonde’s eyes, he shuts his mouth, shaking his head, full of shock.

  
chenle licks over his lips and wipes away the tear quickly, letting out a ragged breath. “i’m not angry,” he begins, just wanting the older to stop worrying, “i was going to tell you there, but- there was you and gege outside the bathroom and- hyunjin, something happened.”

  
his last words are shaky, almost breathless. he doesn’t doubt one second that his boyfriend will be there for him, listen to whatever he has to say, but chenle can’t lie and say he isn’t freaked out by whatever it is that poked through his skin and made him hurt this much. wordlessly, he uses his hand to hold up some of his fringe hair, tilting his head to that hyunjin’s able to see it under the streetlights. 

  
“i don’t know what it is or why it’s there, but i think that this is why i had this terrible headache the other day — and today. it’s- it’s okay now, it doesn’t hurt anymore, but- it rushed over me when we were talking on the phone, i didn’t mean to ignore you, i didn’t-” 

  
hyunjin rubs soothing circles on his jaw, coming closer, his soft breath fanning over chenle’s face. he doesn’t say anything, just looks closely, and the younger silently cries, heart pounding in his chest. he complies when hyunjin slowly turns his head around, also examining the right side of his face, thumb running over the skin there — it’s tense, chenle hadn’t even noticed. he lets out another sob, shaking violently; hyunjin shushes him, gentle hands wiping away his tears. chenle closes his eyes, sighing into the touch. maybe this isn’t real. maybe he’ll wake up in the morning, his boyfriend’s touch only the end of a nightmare. 

  
“let me take you home, okay?” hyunjin speaks after a moment of silence and his voice is quiet, on the verge of breaking. “don’t show this to anyone, lele. listen to me, no one can know, okay?”

  
mindlessly, the younger nods, letting himself be dragged away from the playground, in the direction of his own home. the thought of xuxi crosses his mind, but he keeps his mouth shut. lets out a breath. he knows he can trust hyunjin. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @sungbat BUT IF U TELL MY OOMFS MY AO3 IM MURDERING U PERSONALLY
> 
> also ill probably change up some stuff concerning formatting.. i kinda hated this chapter but i was also to lazy to Change it all and plus im kinda . at work DKFJDKCDKH ummmm oopsie <3


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